Are you still there?
Thanks for checking on me.
You may have noticed my daily smoke signal is not so daily. You may have called, or texted, or facebook messaged, or emailed to ask me, “Are you okay?” And you may still be waiting for an answer.
No. I’m not okay. The world around me – including my touch screen phone and my already intermittent internet have down right frozen. That’s right, frozen. Even Mitch’s pager doesn’t work in this kind of weather (not such a bummer).
I’m about to apply for that skeet shooting supervisor position just in case they might have a computer with a connection to the web out there on the range. I miss you friends.
How cold is it? Baby, you don’t even know how cold it is outside. And neither do I. Because I ain’t goin there. I am huddled in front of my fire praying.
I am PRAYING that on this Saturday, December 12, it is above 20 below zero (fyi: for the past two weeks the pretty schoolers, who go outside for recess down to 20 below zero, have been recessing indoors).
Anyway, I need this Saturday to be above 20 below. Why? Because this is what I’ve been waiting for. Our shot at higher (not like the DSL broad band of my yesteryear, but still, faster and more reliable than my current defunct phone line connection) speed internet relies on a certain truck that operates on a hydraulics system in order to raise the cherry picker basket, in order to cut the trees, in order to shoot the signal, so that I may once again be residing in a place that can communicate with the world wide web I love so much can ONLY opperate if the temp is above 20 below.
Come on weather. You rained and then snowed on my outdoor wedding. PLEASE, please, don’t blow this one.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
This blog post, I think, sucks. And that’s because I am 1.) out of practice, and 2.) I am writing it from a coffee shop while I’m trying to keep Lucy from batting at the towers of mugs on the shelves (why do they do that pyramid of fragile items display thing?! It is a nightmare on baby mama street!).
I really need a home internet connection, I really, really do. What have I done to deserve to be cut off? I’m like the mud on the ruddy tires of America that got flung far, far, far out into the FROZEN left field. Please can I at least have a glove in case someone hits a ball out this way?
Thank you for joining me in this true request for a Christmas Miracle. And thanks again for checking on us even as our signal is failing.