Did you know that when the temp REALLY drops (like in the below 20 below zero range; like when the high for the day is negative 30; like where it’s been for the past three days in the worst place I’ve ever stepped foot), metal doesn’t JUST stick to your tongue?
Ya. Well, I didn’t.
And today, when I jumped out of my car to run two steps into the autostart place to get a new remote battery really quick, I reached my gloveless hand for the door and …. screamed. And screamed. And screamed.
And the guy inside said, “Don’t move! Don’t pull your hand away!” And, “Just Freeze!” Which I was already doing. Against, much against, my will.
And then he said, “Close the door and stand outside.” What?! What the ? I did not comply.
So, he hopped over the counter to stand outside with me. And he was saying stuff that I imagine was something like, “You moron,” and, “Don’t you know?” … but I don’t actually have any clue as to what he was actually saying because I was hysterical.
How hysterical? My tears were freezing onto my face and hanging off my chin in icicles. My eyelashes were frozen white. Because my hand was STUCK to the door handle. And it was 60 degrees below freezing. It was bad. Really, really, not good. Bad.
About 5 panic stricken, lamaze breathing, hysterical, hand frozen to the door handle, icicles hanging from my frozen face seconds that felt like days later, another guy emerged with a clear plastic cup of water. He poured it over my hand. I swear it made a sizzling noise.
Simultaneusly liberated and scarred for life (not in a way you can visibly see — but deep, deep, in the tissues of my emotional self), I silently scurried back into my car like I wounded bird. I put my gloves on and drove home. (I left without the battery for my auto start remote and without a shred of human dignity.)
And on the way home I decided a few things: 1. I will never, ever take my gloves off again. 2. I better find a new auto start place. and 3 – 333: I hate this place.
I mean, where else does your HAND get stuck to a door handle? Did you know that could happen? Did you? And if you did, please send me a book about all the other things I don’t know.
Now I know why the drive though ATM machines aren’t operating.
6 days till Mexico.
Until then, I’m in hiding.