Lucy’s in her first day of school right now … I’m the creepy lady in the parking lot. I’ve driven by to spy on her and called about 4 times. She’s only 1 and a half! And the idea of her going to school is 1. expensive; and 2. absurd.
Yet, I dropped her off this morning at “In Loving Arms,” and then I dropped Zoey off at the Montessori. I swore I would never be the kind of mom who spent her day in the car … and here I am spending my day in the car which is 1. expensive; and 2. absurd.
Yet, prior to today, Lucy and I were spending weeks upon weeks, alone together in our house. Besides the playland at McDonalds, Fairbanks doesn’t offer babies much to do. Neither one of us really “clicked” with the other folks at McDonalds, nor were we meeting anyone in our living room.
When we got to the airport a week ago to head to Mexico for the holidays and saw other people and kids?! The two of us started panting. It was 2 am (red eyes and any kind of Fairbanks exidous are synon), and she was extatic running around the airport just so happy to be among the living. It was eye opening to say the least. Then, in Mexico, where we could go outside and play and go to restaurants and talk with humans in the flesh? We were both SO happy to be out and about. Maybe we could spend more time in airports and in Mexico?! But, that would be 1. expensive! and 2. absurd.
So, when, we returned to our lives of house arrest and captivity within the coldest land I’ve ever lived, my indecision about taking advantage at the one and only opening at the one and only day care for kids three and under was decided. I still have mixed feelings. But when I dropped her off, she didn’t cry. She squealed and ran to the slide. And then she ran from kid to kid and squished up her nose and did this strange nose panting thing. She’s been freed. Freed from the confines of our living room where she’s done time for the past 20% of her life and where I have taught her everything I know.
And so, right now, Zoey’s in school happily running around dancing in wigs. Lucy is in school happily sliding down slides and playing with kids. And, I am back to my living room. Alone. Wondering what to do with my life and my day … I cruised through the Fairbanks job ads – looks like the dump is hiring. I’m thinking maybe I will work on revising my “novel.” Which is 1. expensive in terms of lost wages and earning opportunity, and 2. absurd!
Please let me know if you have any better ideas. Please. And Thank you.
A little lost,