Lost In Translation

So, I walked into the local beauty salon ...

With high hopes to cash in on a promise I came across in Hawaii, the Brazilian Blowout. A salon treatment that promises smooth, silky, shiny, wash-and-go hair for 12 weeks of zero mane-tenence beauty.

(My new goal in life is to have Michelle Money hair).

SO … with visions of Michelle Money hair dancing in my head, I walk right in to the local salon.  Over the smell of perms and the hmmm of dryers, all the wet and foiled heads turn to see  who’s come in.

It’s me.  “Do you do Brazilian Blowouts?”

Blank stares freckled with a few looks of horror.

“Like hair removal?”  Asks the woman wearing gloves over the shampoo bowl as her eyebrows arch straight off the top of her head.

“NO!”  I cry a little too loud.  “No, it’s like a blow out. Like a straighteing treatment …”

“You want me to STRAIGHTEN?, to BLOW DRY, down there?!” She is aghast.  Horrified.

Oh. Good, night!

Everyone looking at me. I’m hot. Really hot.

I smile and stammer,  “No, no!  It’s like a treatment for your hair.”  I say, and then point to my head, “On your head?” My pit stains have now battled through three layers of poly pro and one layer of sub zero down parka.  Who has pit stains on the outside of their parka? Not Michelle Money.

All the heads are shaking. “No. No. No.”

People looking at me like,  “What?  The …”

The good news?  I’m starting to look more and more local.

Photo Credit: Nick Ondrasik


Karella, Musk Oxen


14 responses to “Lost In Translation

  1. Maureen Clarke

    Dear Alaskarella,
    Thanks for the chuckle! I always look forward to your blogs. As for me, I’ve decided I am having a bad hair decade!

  2. OMG – very funny. Is it possible to get your hair cut at a different salon next time?

  3. That’s hilarious! Maybe next time you go in, ask for the Keratine Smoothing Treatment. It’s like the blowout, more natural & lasts 4-6 months. I just got it done & my hair now dries straight & I can actually 1/2 blow dry it & then the rest air dries & looks good, like actually looks good!!!

    • I know, I saw your pics — they were further fodder for my desire to get a treatment. The thing is, the only “treatment” I can find around here is a perm. It takes painful and embarrassing reminders, but I’m slowly starting to morph to life in the 1990s…

  4. OMG..another post where the tears were running down my face as I was reading. The way you write…I feel like I was right there watching this all unfold.

  5. Did you find a place to get it done? If not, let me know…My friend who still lives up there gets that done somewhere between Fairbanks and North Pole. I’ll ask her if you’d like.

  6. Hahahaha! Soooo very funny- I can only imagine how funny in person. Thanks for brightening my cold-filled day 🙂

    Miss you guys and lots of love!

  7. Little chi o sis

    Can you say $$$$ you should open a salon and offer Brazilian Blowouts! Put those DECA skills to work!

  8. Katie, I think the buffalo is adorable! What a funny story. Is Fairbanks large enough to have all these adventures without people figuring out who you are or is that the reason you’re looking to change your look with a new hairstyle.

  9. OMG, I laughed so hard!